ihateeverything.

my boyfriend isnt in love with me. he only loves me. i hate everything. i hate everything. i hate everything. i hate everything. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i ahte it. ihate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it, i really do. hes never going to be in love with me is he ?

the future

my boyfriend talks about our future a lot and it freaks me out. i thought only girls thought about the future. i love him, but its just nuts to think about.

i

cant shake this feeling people. i cant shake this feeling. i cant cant cant cant. bah

gym. adult (since im not a teen) angst

so i went to the gym today. and then i went to ruby tuesdays and ate. i like to think that it counteracted. anyway, on to.... ANGSTTTTTTTTTT ANGSTTTTT ANGSTTTTTT I JUST CAN'T WIN WITH THIS KID CAN I ? YOU KNOW HOW NERVE WRACKING IT IS TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO NEEDS TO HAVE PERFECTION?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I LOVE HIM, BUT GOD. OH MY GOD.
I WISH HE WOULDNT BE SO SELFISH AND REALIZE THAT DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT PRIORITIES THAN HIM. OMG. OOMG OMGOMGOSFEGASFLNHA. GAH. BLAH. MEH BLEGHEDY!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ?!?! GOD WE'RE GONNA END UP GETTING MARRIED AND THEN HE IS GOING TO DRIVE ME NUTS BECAUSE I BELIEVE DIFFERENT THINGS HE DOES AND THE THINGS HE BELIEVES IN IS JUST WRONGGGG!!! ITS WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! HAPPY NINE MONTHS ASSFACE. AHHHHH ARGHHHHHHHHH BITCH BITCH BITCCH ANGSTTT YOURE A LITTLE BOY AND YOU ARE NOT A MAN. YOURE MOMMY AND DADDY DO THINGS FOR YOU AND YOU THINK YOURE SO RESPONSIBLE BUT YOURE NOT. YOU ARE A BIG HYPOCRITE. I DONT NEED TO BE GUIDED AS MUCH AS YOU THINK I DO. I NEED A SHRINK BECAUSE I GET DEPRESSED. THATS ALL. IM DEPRESSED ASSHOLE! SO I HAVE NO DRIVE! DEPRESSED. GAHHHH. YOURE SO STUPID. YOU DONT EVEN SEE. YOU DONT. YOURE A LITTLE FUCKING BOY AND YOU DONT EVEN SEE AND YOU WILL NEVER SEEE AND I WANT TO BE DONE WITH YOU SOMETIMES BUT I CANT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DESPITE ALL YOUR FLAWS BECAUSE YOURE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE OF THEM. YOU HOWEVER, WILL NEVER TRULY LOVE ALL OF ME BECAUSE YOU ARE NEVER SATISFIED WITH ANYTHING. ANYTHING!!!! AT ALLL!!! GAHHHHH I HATE IT SO MUCH ! YOU KNOW ME, BUT YOU DONT KNOW ME. SERIOUSLY. YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRYYY JCN YOU JUST REALLY DOOOOOO.. SOMETIMES YOU REALLY DESERVE TO BE YELLED AT. BECAUSE TRUTHFULLY, EVERYONE I KNOW THINKS YOU CAN BE A REALLY BIG DOUCHE BAG SOMETIMES. AND YOU PISS ME OFF TO NO END. I LOVE YOU. BUT YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!!! I DONT WANT TO BE PERFECT, I JUST WANT TO BE ME! ME ME ME ME ME!! IM ME! I LOVE IT! LET ME BE ME. LET ME BE ME. DSF9EWGPFBSLZHqegt024v bah. END RANT.

everything

me and my boyfriend had a big fight last night. and then of course, we made up. what else is new? he took me to the melting pot for my birthday and then we fought, and then we came to an agreement. i don't like these fights, but i also like them because it gets everything out. why do i tell people about our lives? i should shut up from now on, it's between us anywayss.. i has problems. but i love him so much. seeing my sister and her boyfriend really annoy me because they think that theyre the perfect couple. like theyre legit all over each other. and he's like always here after i take my naps so like today when i was going down for some birthday cake, he was there so i was in a mood. its annoying that he's here all the time. i guess i want sherlock to be here all the time, but that doesnt happen because he has his priorities. not to say im not one of his priorities, but he really feels the need to do schoolwork, idk. anyways, im gonna go now. birthday party downstairs, yannooo . <3 irene

randommmm

hellooo. yeah i went to my academic coach yesterday and he was really good. im going back in two weeks. note to self** 5 minute rule, distraction and vent sheets. didn't go to neuro this morning. bad irene. i dont know how im going to take chem in the summer. ill have to go to someone to figure it out. i already took precalc, i don't need to take it again. mow. birthdays tomorrow yay =] ive been a little weak on the losing weight spectrum. i need to get on that. my boyfriend is wonderful, and even after we fight, i can't help but love him. this is love, no matter what people says. <3 irene

blah day

Today is a very blah day, i woke up at 1230 and now im having a scrubs marathon. i ate pizza and 4 chocolate covered cherries. i smell badddd today. damn valentine's day. my boyfriend's parents talk about me and my boyfriend getting married legit every time i see them. its getting weird, not gonna lie. i think he's starting to notice that it's freaking me out a little bit because im pretty sure my eyes bulge every time i fake smile and nod at them. he knows me too well. its creeppyyy. saturday's are the best. if i could get drunk right now i sooo would. my 20th birthday is on wednesday. how weird is that? too weird man. too weird. blahh im going. ciao. <3 irene

laziness

So I'm very lazy. I don't think that should come as a surprise to anyone since I'm a fatty, but I'm very lazy. Today I didn't do anything pretty much. I skipped my classes because I was lazy, and also because I woke up at 10:20 and I wanted to take a shower so I didn't have any time to do that so I just went to sleep til 2. Lazy lazy lazy. The only things I ate today were like 3 Choco Covered Cherries, 2 Cookies, and some Chinese Food. That's kinda fasting, right? Oh btw, I guess I'm agnostic, but I was raised as a hypocritical catholic. So I'm trying not to be a hypocrite. Yeah that's right peoples. I got ashes today. I was thinking about going to church every Sunday too. I think going to church is a genuinely good thing to do and maybe if people did genuinely good things in their lives, the world would be quite a better place. I also got an MCAT book today. Yeah I wanna be a psychiatrist. I actually wanna do a lot of things, but thats one sticks out. Perhaps I'll change my mind in med school and become a brain surgeon or something. Now that would be awesome. IDK. so i'm going to an academic coach on monday because i had to go to a transfer event today as a part of my transfer class, and the session was about studying, so i went to the guy afterwards and asked him about academic counseling and how I would do that so he set it up. wahoooo. ps my birthdays in a week. the big two zero. freaky huh ? oh pps my things im giving up for lent = laziness icecream and chips. and skipping class and lying. but i didnt tell my boyfriend about that because if he knew i skipped class he would flipppppppp. hes very dad like and protective of me because my dad has been on and off non existendt in my life. its weird, but in a way he motivates me, so it kinda helps. word. I should study for these big exams that i have on friday so i think ill do that then.... later nobodyy!!
<3 style="font-weight: bold;">dream it, you can do it. -Irene ;]

first bliggedy blog

Hello internet! Just in case anyone does read this... I will say this now. I am doing this for myself to boost stuff. The "stuff" generally being mood, responsibility, confidence, weight loss, and my grades. Now how does writing about things boost the said stuff? Well, writing in it everyday will have me thinking more about it and wanting to do more with it, so this seems like a good push to do things that need to get done. That being said, I, who for all intensive purposes will call myself Irene for reasons of not wanting anyone to happen to fall upon this blog and me possibly saying the wrong thing about someone, am a really lazy person who procrastinates way too much. Or I should say that I was. My boyfriend, who we shall call Sherlock (for the same reason), has really helped me become a better person and change my life around a lot. sidenote for latee: yes he is a tad bit... okay more than a tad bit controlling, but I'm more than a tad bit emotional and irresponsible. We balance each other out and we're working on it, but we love each other very much. Anywhossss so i'll be blogging about my weight and what I'm doing to improve it most of the time, but it will probably be about the other stuff too. because i need to vent. okay sooo I am 19 years old and the last time I stepped on the scale (in January) I was 216 lbs. I plan on stepping on a scale again in the beginning of March. At that time I'll have liked to have lost at least 5 lbs. I'll be updating what I'm doing and stuff to keep in check hopefully everyday, but I'm a busy girl so who knows? Anyways, I should go, I have school tomorrow. =] im in college btw. There's a great big beautiful tomorrow. <3>